al gore

It's me, Al Gore, nobel prize winner and earth-saver. A lot of you have wondered what I like to do when I’m not saving the earth. Well I’ll tell you what I like to do: stump jumpin' the hell out of one of my hummers.

But wait a minute you are probably thinking, aren’t you that guy who is against SUVs? Don’t you go around lecturing people about how they should save energy?

Yes, but I’m allowed to drive hummers for the same reason I own a mansion and a private jet: carbon offsetting.
Through carbon offsetting I can lecture people but at the same time do whatever I want. It’s like having your cake and eating it too, while telling other people to not eat cake, that is of course unless they pay someone else to not eat cake so the net effect is that no extra cakes were eaten. See how it works?

For example last year my son wanted a coal-fired pig roast. I told him normally I would be against it because coal burning releases carbon dioxide, but since we’re wealthy all we have to do is pay someone else to not have a coal-fired pig roast. So after paying a local non-profit to skip their annual pig roast, ours became carbon-neutral. Isn't carbon offsetting wonderful?

- Al Gore "