kick in the pants counseling

Francis you may want to admit that your problems are not purely geographical and that a geographical cure then is not likely to work very well. You should ask yourself what compelled you to live in a place you say you hate and to not develop anything while you were here, not even an exit strategy. It sounds to me like your orientation to your own life is extremely passive. You didn't even engage with this place enough to learn some conversational Mandarin. That would have made a world of difference. If you go home with no goals or plans or contacts, what makes you think that your orientation will somehow become more proactive? I'm guessing that you have been making a lot of descions based on insecurity for a long time and each time you have done that your faith in yourself has suffered. Your range of options has narrowed. This has made you feel even more depressed and anxious and so you have made even more decisions based on fear. It has gotten so that fear and avoidance and dark thoughts are the very stuff of your mind. Your feel good chemicals have packed it in and your despair chemicals have taken over. Time for prozac. Time for a more active oriention to life. Time to stop avoiding contact with other people. Time to look outward and see the difficulties and joys that other people experience. Time to stop feeling sorry for yourself. Time for excercise and creative activity. And especially, time to stop taking so many depressants. They are generally contraindicated in cases of depression.