We don't talk anymore. 53 years married is a long time. Although it almost ended, I fought with the wife. She wanted to leave. I said: Are you crazy, we've been together 53 years, you're 76 I'm 79, we ain't splittin like that. She says: but we always fight like kids! "It's your fault" I replied, "you annoy me".
She falls on my nerves. It's always the same with her. At night we watch TV and she falls asleep during the movie. The next day lunch time, she argues with me about the ending. On top of that she says I was the one sleeping. I also sometimes fall asleep watching TV but at least I remember. I told her, I said: You're losing it? She was so angry she said: I'll go back with my mother. I said: Not only you're losing it but you're also losing memory."It's been three years your mom lives with us." "Besides, you're way too dependant to go anywhere." No, it's true, she's in a wheel chair. She can't even roll it herself, I have to push her. I'll never push her to go though.
So we don't talk anymore. We scream. It's normal we're both deaf. It's hard to fight when we're old. I mean it's not hard to fight but it's hard to make up. When you're young it's not the same. I mean even if you fight real bad, you know that at one point you'll make up and it will be fun...I remember when we were younger, we fought so hard once that we made up everynight for like three weeks. We named the first one Pacific.
When you're old it's scary. So we don't talk anymore.
I was thinking we've been together 53 years and we fought on average once a month. That's about 640 fights. Could she not have thought of leaving before.
Oh no wait, I must be losing it myself. She alsmost left many times. She always stayed. Me too I almost left many times. I always stayed. It's funny when I think back because it was never because of love that we stayed. We always had good reasons. The first time her mom convinced her it wasn't right and so she stayed. I almost left once too, I made it to the porch. You see her dad was dying so I thought losing two was too much. I stayed. Once she had her jacket on and she was just about out the door but I had a bad cold and a light fever so she couldn't. She stayed. It's never love that made us stay but when we almost left it's like something happened. Two-three weeks later it's like you love each other more. That's when it gets confusing. Because then you're not sure if you stayed because you love each other more than you thought or you think you love each other more because you stayed. The only thing you're sure about is that if you stay you have to make compromises. So after 50 years, I can't see leaving because you fought so many times and made so many compromises that you're nothing anymore by yourself. It takes two to make one. No, it's so true in fact that it is why often when one goes, the other one follows shortly after. That's why I told the wife"don't go." Well actually...trying to make her understand...At our age we don't have much time left to live. Each on our side it would seem like forever. Besides, leaving is dying a little and at our age that's a big chance to take. So we don't talk anymore. We don't even move anymore. We've become too frail.
