hard on chinese people

The character for one is one hard-on, and the character for two is two hard-ons. The character for three is three hard-ons. The character for person is one big hard-on resting on a smaller hard-on. The character for middle is a hard-on too long to fit. There are no characters that do not contain hard-ons, and this is why there are so many Chinese people.

paradise

Winner: Vile Puns
I was in a back alley in Fiji, fighting desperately and silently for my life, fighting desperately for oxygen, clawing at the calm and almost gentle pressure of the fabric held over my face by implacable, ebony thighs when I realized -- he was killing me softly with his sarong.
Karl Scott
Brisbane, Australia

all very interesting of course

Where were we? Wherever, anyway, it's all very interseting of course. The human brain, in association with it's ear, can process 900 phonemes a minute. That's a lot of phonemes by any standard. And of course the mind does not merely render a phonetic rendering (I like that word, rendering, and so use it a lot) but also analyzes and comprehends the manner by which essentially meaningless phonemes (letters to the rest of us) are built up into morphemes (syllables..) morphemes into words, words into phrases and phrases into sentences. Not to mention of course all those pesky meanings, connotations and associations connected with words and particular combinations of words etc.

The Tracey Fragments

Girl takes dog brother for a walk and loses him in the forest because she takes a moment to hump a kid from high school named billy zero. Finds dog's hat by river. Dog has likely drown. No matter. Girl suffers all manner of anxiety and despair at the absurdities of life, retarded parents, sadistic teachers and such as is typical of teen angst movies. Never tells anybody where she last saw dog. A blizard approaches and this is a metaphor for we know not what.... actually we do but it is too evil and idiotic to consider for long. Brother remains lost and likely dead. Parents also suffer neurotic and self absorbed breakdown but do not look for dog son. Girl looks but not in the place she last saw him. Sometimes one despairs that the world has gone stupid, a despair that is often confirmed by modern cinema etc.

Great editing though, and I liked the horse.